What I am is what I am are you what you are or what?

This may be my last entry…

I accepted a challenge I am almost certainly doomed to fail. I accepted it with grace, poise and silence – a simple nod to the challenger before wordlessly walking away. Well, a nod to the mirror before lowering my head and leaving the toilet anyway…

Let me start with the basics – I am 41 years old and careening ever closer to 42. I work in IT as an overworked, underpaid developer and administrator. I am married to a brilliant, funny wife who puts up with an awful lot of my crap. I have a cat. I have difficulty with ‘line’ recognition and quite often find myself the only one laughing while those around me look disapproving or, at worst, shocked and appalled. I flit between obsessions like a bee between flowers but I’m apparently not ADD. I suffer from depression sometimes, anxiety others and stress whenever the first two don’t apply. I am currently self-medicating that with Mindfulness meditation. I am an atheist, a skeptic and a debunker with a strong passion for science and a severe distaste of conspiracy theory. I surround myself with brilliant people and won’t suffer fools gladly. I cry at sad things and I cry at happy things. I call my parents Mummy and Daddy and I don’t care what you think about that.

“I call my parents Mummy and Daddy and I don’t care what you think about that.”

I express opinions you may not agree with, that’s fine, we can’t always agree on everything. I don’t mind being corrected if I’m factually inaccurate but I won’t appreciate opinion ‘corrections’. I’m by turns sweet and perhaps funny then grumpy and obstinate. I’m me and I’m going to stay that way.

So why the blurb and what’s the challenge? The blurb is so you know what to expect from me, the challenge is a little more difficult and, for the time being at least, secret. I’m sure you’ll guess soon though.

For the second time in a row, I have raced for a medical appointment to get there in the nick of time and seemingly sidestep the waiting room full of pissed off looking people. It’s a great feeling apart from the fact that I end upi sitting in front of the Doctor slightly out of breath and a it sweaty – I am almost positive this leads to them asking ‘is there anything else I can help with’ at least one more time than absolutely necessary.

Without giving too much detail I have been given an almost clean bill of health except for a really annoying and intermittently painful cyst. Thankfully there is no need for surgery and the advice on what I can do was essentially ‘it’ll go eventually’. I asked what I should do about exercise and the advice I got was ‘trying doing something and if it hurts, stop doing it – you’ll be ok in a few months’.

A few months? Wow, really. There is nothing I can do except take painkillers and try stuff to find out the things I can’t do. Modern technology eh? We can perform full face transplants but we can’t sort out a minor aberration. Still, can’t complain – there’s no body set up to complain to.


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