This may be my last entry…
Last Saturday I bought a chilli plant. Yeah, I know, hold the front page – this is a game changer!
I hate gardening – actually, that’s not true. Gardening and plant husbandry are so far down my priority list that I can’t muster any kind of emotion for it. I cut the hedge when I absolutely have to; each year I cut down the sapling that refuses to die in the front yard and occasionally, VERY occasionally I will ‘treat’ myself to a fruit baring plant – usually a chilli.
I wouldn’t describe myself as a chilli-head as such but recently I have had a hankering for something with enough spice to blow my head off and I haven’t found it. I think I know why as well.
Just before I went to see Public Service Broadcasting, I went to the pub for a couple of pre-gig pints. While I was at the bar I noticed a little pot with some Doritos and a blob of weird-looking liquid. It turned out that this was Mad Dog 357 6 Million Scoville Hot Sauce which has been variously listed as one of the hottest hot sauces in the world. Don’t be fooled, this wasn’t the original recipe, it was the original recipe’s hotter (but not hottest) brother. I tried it of course, cautiously dipping the tip of a dorito into the liquid and not just gulping down the blob. It turned out that I had done it right where countless others had done it wrong.
Initially it was fine and actually tasted really good but within a few seconds the heat kicked in.
It was almost unbearable but actually gave a really hot and even burn fading away after a few minutes and, even though the initial heat had made me wonder why I tried it, once it had died down I actually wanted more. I didn’t get any more though and that was when the craving began.
Having had few social lubricants last Saturday I noticed that the shop had a plant selection outside including chilli plants. I then noticed that they weren’t just the ordinary small but acceptable chilli variety that supermarkets usually sell – these were 1.4 million Scoville Trinidad Moruga chillis, previously the hottest chilli in the world!
I am happy to say that aphid infestation notwithstanding, the plant is doing really well in the bathroom and will take up its final position outside as soon as I can guarantee there will be no more frost.
I’m looking forward to these beasts and, as long as they are as tasty as they are hot, I think I’ll be drying a couple out and planting the seeds to produce a whole new generation.
Thanks for reading, now pass the milk! Now! Oh dear God!!!!